


A Tale in Which a God and a Snail Meet

by hollowmagic



Category: Bakemonogatari
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Foreshadowing, Gen, Ice Cream, Mayoi needs more appreciation, Omnipotence, Omniscient Gaen Izuko, Onimonogatari Spoilers, Side Story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:07:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29976456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollowmagic/pseuds/hollowmagic
Summary: But who Mayoi Hachikuji didn’t expect to run into today was… a very strange looking woman.“I’m Izuko Gaen, the lady who knows everything.“
Relationships: Hachikuji Mayoi & Gaen Izuko
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	A Tale in Which a God and a Snail Meet

**Author's Note:**

> I was surprised to see zero fics with Mayoi in this fandom. Decided to patch that up myself.

Not even a year ago, Mayoi Hachikuji hated the thought of being lost forever.

A wandering ghost.

A lost soul.

A lost—snail.

That was who she was. Forever and ever, doomed to tread the streets in a never ending vortex, searching for her destination that she’d never reach. She hated the concept of such a fate; even refused to accept the fact that she’ll never make it to her mother’s house. These past ten years have shown nothing but misfortune to little ol’ Hachikuji.

Then he showed up.

Koyomi Araragi.

That pseudo-vampire, pseudo-human pervert.

He and his girlfriend (Miss Senjogahara, was it?) saved her. She was no longer cursed to wander the streets of this town.

Hachikuji heard her fair share of tales about people having a change of heart, but Araragi… may as well have flipped her heart upside down. Not just her skirt. Thus, Hachikuji decided to stay. Humor herself a little. Now that she’s reached her goal, she figured it was time to have a nice walk around town.

Besides, she gets to see Arararagi every now and then.

Oops—a slip of the tongue.

Anyway—

Speaking of Pariari—no, _Araragi_ , Hachikuji just finished up passing along some information to him about a missing girl—namely, Shinobu Oshino, who was last spotted by Hachikuji at Mister Donut a day prior. Araragi gratefully thanked Hachikuji and rode off into the shop’s direction in search of the missing vampire.

Hachikuji was glad to help. The same way Araragi helped her. She was happy to know her guidance helped a friend in need. She made a mental note to remind herself that when she finds out Shinobu was found alive and well, it was all thanks to her.

Hmm…

Scratch that; she expects a treat as a thank-you! Like an ice cream!

“Ahaha, ice cream is delectable, isn’t it? My favorite flavor is mint; can't go wrong with it.”

But who Mayoi Hachikuji didn’t expect to run into today was… a very strange looking woman. There, magically standing at her side, was a slim lady with a baseball cap and an XXL t-shirt. Jewelry, bracelets, and a bunch of other random accessories decorated her character. She looked as if she jumped out of a modern hip hop music video. Hachikuji stared up at this mysterious stranger, who was also watching Araragi ride off on his trusty granny bike, and frankly, she didn’t know what to say—who even _is_ this?

“Hello Mayoi,” said the lady with a friendly grin. “How do you do?”

“How do you know my name?” asked the bewildered Hachikuji. She took a cautionary step back. This lady radiated bad news.

“Oh, that—” There wasn’t a shred of hesitance in her voice, but Hachikuji couldn’t stop the uneasiness riding up her spine as the lady coolly said, “—I know everything. I know Koyomin’s about to get into a deadly situation, thanks to you.”

“W-what?”

_‘Koyomin’?_

She spoke in a way that made her words mean nothing and everything at the same time.

“It’s nothing to worry about. The fact that it isn’t is thanks to you, too. Miss Hanekawa’s in a rough spot of her own, per se. As will you in the near future—where you vanish without a trace, Mayoi Hachikuji, the lost snail who is no longer lost.”

“Excuse me… what are you even saying?”

Hachikuji genuinely didn’t know what to think. This woman shut down her quick-wit like it was nothing! 

She knows all? 

Who is she, the author of a novel?

The lady replied, “Just speaking my mind,” as she whipped out a weird looking cell phone. “Anyway, I’m glad to see you and Araragi getting along well, Mayoi, but remember this: every action has an equal and opposite reaction. There is always cause and effect. Consider the repercussions and choose your best course of action. You’re a smart girl, and you’ll make the right decision in the end. I know you will.”

“You make it sound like I’m in danger...”

The lady didn’t reply to that this time.

Inside Hachikuji's head, there was a grand debate taking place deciding whether being groped by Araragi or meeting this woman today was worse. In fact, her discomfort level is raised so high she nearly placed this encounter on par with her traffic light disaster!

Putting it above would be pushing it, but she’s allowed to make that decision, damn it!

With a slow head shake and additional step back, Hachikuji warily asked, “...Who even are you?”

Then, with a tilt of her head, the lady answered, “I’m Izuko Gaen, the lady who knows everything. Nice to meet you, Mayoi, though we will meet once more, when the Darkness is upon you and your friends.”

“The what?”

“Oop—that didn’t happen yet! We’re not even close to that happening. That’s about nine books away… A slip of the tongue, right?”

_What even…_

She even playfully bonked her head with her fist and stuck out her tongue. It made Hachikuji recoil in disgust. 

Gaen laughed to herself like a child, which said something about her maturity, standing side-by-side with the real thing. Hachikuji wondered if there was any hope for the world with adults like this.

“I need to get going, but try some mint ice cream while you’re at it, okay?” Gaen said. “I just wanted to stop by and see how the story’s progressing. I’ll see you at the bottom of the mountain. Toodles!”

With that, Gaen sauntered off in the opposite direction of Araragi, letting Hachikuji stare abjectly at her back until she disappeared from sight. A sense of placidity washed over her, despite the several alarms and signals firing off in the back of her head, declaring that what just happened was really damn freaky.

She has never seen that woman before in her life.

Yet she knew her name.

Her full, complete birth name.

Mayoi Hachikuji.

Aberrations are oddities by themselves. Hachikuji, unable to explain to herself what just happened, blissfully passed it off as a strange occurrence. She’s plodded this town for over ten years, and today was the first time she’s seen that lady before. Maybe she’s a friend of Araragi. But wouldn’t he have mentioned her, a friend who knows everyone and everything? Isn’t that an important detail? Like, as a heads up?

A fortune teller?

An oracle?

A—

A—dare Hachikuji think it—a _God?_

Izuko Gaen…

Just who are you?


End file.
